Sorry I haven't written in quite awhile, it's been a busy week and it's hard to find "alone" time when I don't have to worry about someone seeing what I am writing.
The week went fairly well at work and I played it cool & tried to stick to business when dealing with the woman I was talking to last year, or should I say the woman that I am in love with. She still gives me mixed signals and it drives me crazy. I am pretty sure she went to lunch with her BF (the one she never admits she has) & my parents came over and had lunch with me today. I mentioned they were coming & after I got back to work she started talking to me and said that she had "peeked" out the window to see them. I asked her who she went to lunch with and she said one of her girlfriends. I don't know why she won't just up and say she is seeing someone, unless it is to just string me along. Or maybe she thinks it would hurt me to know. Today I mentioned it sounded like she was getting a cold and she said her hands were cold and put her hand on my face for a minute. I think it was more of a caress than anything, but I just let it ride. I feel like a damn inexperienced teenager writing all this, but these are the type of things that keep running through my mind. I don't know if it is my desperate attempt to hold on to my youth, or the fact that the things (as small as they may be sometimes) that I feel from her, are what I am missing at home.
I tried to get my wife to go with me on a trip tonight to a national forest and she said that she would be bored just riding and sitting around. There's about 250,000 acres to ride in & I had thought that it would be good for us to be together in a quiet place and be able to talk. I saw deer, fox, coyote and heard amazing songs from whipper-wills & other night birds, all while being able to enjoy just being outdoors. She wound up staying home and I wound up going alone. I can't even begin to think of the times I have went places or done things that she wanted to do, even though I had no interest in them. We have the partnership thing working overtime.....lol...NOT.
After writing one of my last blogs it was suggested by a friend to try facebook to locate the woman I mentioned whom I had known a long time ago. I signed up for the account and done a few searches. I found who I thought it may have been based off of her name and location (the pic she had was not real clear). I sent her a couple of messages to see if it could be her & never got a responce. I think she blocked me from viewing her profile, so either I am a long lost memory, or some poor woman thinks I am a stalker...lol.
In reference to the friend who suggested I try face book I think I pissed her off yesterday with an e-mail. I didn't do it intentionally, just mentioned a few things that I was unhappy with at home and whether or not she took it the wrong way or is just tired of hearing me complain I haven't heard from her at all today.
So right now I am batting 1000 when it comes to any type of GOOD relationship/interaction with women. I am generally a pretty likeable guy, funny, not to god awful looking & can carry on a conversation with just about anyone. I have some women friends & they tell me all kinds of stuff about their personel lives, laugh, joke etc; but thats just it were friends. When it comes to any type of deeper relationship I am falling short. The ones that I know things could go farther with are either not my type (not intended to anyone in specific) or know that I am married and won't persue anything other than a friendship. I can understand the ones who know I am married and I really don't want to be in an affair either, that wouldn't be fair to the person I was in it with and it being an affair would take away from the pleasure of loving someone and feeling loved. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, I was willing to give 110 percent, go "all in" with the woman last year. I had planned to walk away from all that I had worked for the last 18 years with my wife. No I am not perfect, but there comes a time when you just get tired of trying.
Well I've been up 22 hours now, so I guess I'll end this and head to bed. As always, I welcome comments or opinions. Maybe by reading these ramblings someone will see something that I am not seeing and whip out their magical advice pencil and set me straight! I hope everyone has a Great Weekend. Mike
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Well, it's clear that you aren't having your love needs met with your relationship. What about your wife? What makes her feel loved? Have you been doing those things?
ReplyDelete"I tried to get my wife to go with me on a trip tonight to a national forest and she said that she would be bored just riding and sitting around. There's about 250,000 acres to ride in & I had thought that it would be good for us to be together in a quiet place and be able to talk."
Based on this it seems like quality time is one of the things that makes you feel loved. For some people quality time is less important, and it may be acts of service that make them feel loved (like having a meal cooked for them, doing the laundry, cleaning up the house, etc.) It might be kind words (getting a thoughtful compliment, having someone notice and give thanks for what they do). Or it could be something else entirely. It may be that what makes her feel loved is something that to you would be pretty unimportant, so it may be difficult to pin down what does it. You might have to try a number of things and see what she seems to respond the most to.
If your wife is feeling loved, then she may be more receptive to requests from you, especially if she sees that it is what makes you feel loved.
I don't know if this sort of approach will work, but it might be more productive than trying to find love elsewhere. If your attention is focused outside of the relationship with your wife then she will likely begin to feel it if she hasn't already which will bring you two further apart instead of closer together.
Regardless of what happens I wish you the best of luck in bringing the love back into your life.
Well, if your friend is a friend (and I am sure that she is) then when you argue or fight, you get over it, forgive, and move on. Perhaps she'll send an email explaining why she might have gotten upset. Yeah, I'm pretty sure she'd do that.
ReplyDeleteAs for the trip into nature, you wife doesn't know what she missed. That would be awesome! I would have had my camera and would have been snapping away. 250,000 acres...that's a lot of pictures!!! LOL.
P.S. Cold hands--warm heart.