Well I hope everyone's day was a little better than mine. In case you haven't checked my profile I turned 42 last month. I have been married for longer than I care to remember (18 years) and have a daughter who will turn 18 in August. You would think with a little age some of the stupidity that you experienced growing up would go away & I guess a little of it did. When it comes to matters of the heart it's a whole different story though. Getting to the point, I fell in love with a beautiful 26 year old woman last year. We work together and had talked a few times in the past, the funny thing about her is that I never "really" noticed her, but once I did I was knocked off my feet. We started sharing and getting to know more and more about each other and the more I talked to her the deeper I fell. I was happy with that and went as far as making plans to leave my wife and get a place of my own. She had just got divorced from a man who was 12 years older than her, so the age difference didn't seem to matter. Whether it was the fact that I was serious or maybe it was the age difference she decided that we should quit talking. She was always concerned that I was married and that she didn't want to be the cause of me leaving. She wouldn't have been the cause, but she surely gave me the courage to make some tough decisions. Maybe I just drug my feet to long. Any way we still talk, and share little bits and pieces about our lives, her daughter, my daughter stuff etc. I always try to remember occasions, valentines day, birthday, mothers day etc. For valentines I got her a gift certificate for a pedicure and bought her a nice lunch. Her birthday was yesterday and I got her a couple of gift certificates to Olive Garden for her and her daughter and bought her a really nice cake. When I gave her the gift certificates I put them in a crappy little card. I told her that wasn't the card I would have normally chosen for her, but I wasn't sure she would like the one I felt like giving her. After talking for awhile she said she would have liked to of saw it. So I (like a fool) went and bought her the card I had seen, which was one of the sweetest love cards I had ever saw. The 2 statements that rang true with me were "when I first realized that I was in love with you, my eyes took a picture and placed it in my heart" the other was "when I first looked into your eyes I saw the future that I wanted". Well she was suprised with the card and asked if I meant it. I told her I did and then today she got flowers from someone else. When I asked her about them she said they were from a secret admirer. I know she was seeing someone else after we quit talking, but she won't mention his name, although I know who he is and when I said "I guess I'm just wasting my time" she brings up the "your married comment again".
So whether or not your feeling it, I sure am feeling like a fool all over again. Love can be wonderful, but it is also a cruel cruel thing.......
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Comparing your feelings between a "lover" and a "mate" is kind of an unfair comparison. The "in love" sensation that we get during the early time of interaction with a "lover" is very strong. (Some think that this is a biological drive that encourages pair bonding/mating.) During this period we experience the "halo effect," where on a subconscious level the perception of faults of our lover are minimized and the perception of positives are exaggerated. Have you ever fallen head over heals for someone, and then after some time away from them you realize that they really weren't as great as you thought they were? The "halo effect" can explain why this happens. In all relationships over time the passion fades, and it's at this point that we can more easily see who someone really is. By the time a "lover" becomes a "mate" you know the best and the worst that there is, for a lover you don't yet have the full information AND you have the "in love" sensation that puts a bias in the lover's favor. For a fair comparison you have to ask yourself, if the passion was gone would I still value my "lover" more than my "mate"? Maybe the answer is yes, but it's a question that should be addressed with a full awareness of the more subtle factors involved.
ReplyDeleteYour now newset and biggest fan
ReplyDeletehttp://dene-lifeshappenings@blogspot.com
Thanks for the nice comments!
ReplyDeleteNanobri I think your comment was excellent and VERY VERY true. When you have someone you are falling in love with the all the faults of the person you are with get exagerated. To add to your comment I would interject that...If the person who is falling in love was getting the love and respect that they desired so badly from the one they are with, then they wouldn't be in a position to be falling in love, they would already be in love.
Megan I read all the post on your page and I felt really connected to them. You have a way of communicating your thoughts that is Very exciting and interesting!