updating

Just updating and blowing off a little steam. No eloquent words, no BS, just letting it fly. I had a 4 days weekend off with the wife. I tried to do a little re-building while we were off and wasted another 4 days along with the almost 19 years we have put into this marriage. We did have sex one night out of 5 which I was unhappy with. I took her out every night to eat, went to the movies once, shopping riding around etc. By this afternoon we were talking divorce. That stemmed from me being upset that my 18 year old daughters and her BF think it is OK to lay around my house until 2 or 3 in the morning, way past the time I have gone to bed. I get jumped by the wife and by the daughter because I seem to have a problem with this. I offered to go talk with a counselor with the wife if she wanted to & see if we had anything worth saving. I'm not perfect, but I am so fed up with all the BS of marriage, life & responsibilities. At the same time I am scared to death to just step away. Being with someone for 19 years you get attached. I feel sick, tired and wonder why the hell do we as people keep trying. I think about saying to hell with it all quite often, but usually something will snap me back in line. I feel like a rubber band and keep wondering when the hell I will finally snap. Well time to go get in the bed with someone I hate and suck it up for another day. We'll see what tomorrow brings. PS. Nothing new with the woman I care alot about., Haven't had much to say to her the last couple of days. I pretty much have kept to myself other than the niceties of saying hello and speaking occasionally. I did tell her I was having a bad day today and later this afternoon she asked where I had been? No time to dwell on that fiasco. ... Heading to spend another lonely night with my wife.