Well another year has passed and this one seems to have passed by rather quickly. I made up my mind last weekend to wise up, move on and quit letting my mind fuck with me about the beautiful young woman I have been talking to. I have done really well this week not talking to her other than the necessities of work. I plan to continue into the new year and move on with my life. Things with my wife continue to deteriorate and I don't expect it to last much longer. We hardly talk and we each do our on thing when we have free time.
I hope EVERYONE has a great New Year and that all your dreams and wishes can come true............
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Thursday, December 17, 2009
It's Me Again.....
I had logged on earlier to write a little, all kinds of sad ass thoughts running through my mind and I guess feeling sorry for myself. Tried talking with the wife a little bit as she was heading to bed. She bitched about me waiting until "to late to talk". I told her no problem I can walk out and not say another word without having a second thought (which is what I did). I read comments to my post yesterday and felt somewhat better! Scanned through several blogs and read some interesting stories! Took a vacation day so I am off tomorrow!!! Planned to go to the woods, but it is supposed to rain most of the day.
I had a pretty good day with my little sweetie at work. Stopped on the way to work at Starbucks and bought her a latte this morning. A bit later me and "my little buddy" (the owners 2 year old granddaughter) went for a walk (she wants me to carry her) and stopped by and visited my sweetie. We had to show off the new words I have been teaching her and then we drew a few pictures. I think she really enjoys seeing me playing with the little one and is impressed with how she clings to me. I had went shopping and bought my sweetie's daughter (she's 10) a few things for Christmas and I wrapped them. Made plans to meet up after work and drop off the presents off so she could take them home, didn't want to take a chance on bringing them in the building for nosey people to see. Later in the day I asked if she had taken her daughter shopping to get her something and she said that she had made her something at School. Last year I sent some money home with her in a sealed envelope and told her to take her daughter shopping and let her buy her something. I did the same thing today and she told me I didn't have to do that, but I rebutted and said it wasn't right for her to have to give her money to buy her own gift. She was very appreciative and kept telling me how thoughtful I was. We met up and talked briefly, I dropped the presents off and we wished each other a good weekend.
I am sitting her now waiting for Monday to arrive so I can see her smiling face again.
I hope everyone's weekend is great I am going to try and hit the woods when the rain ends and may go visit my parents. BTW I hope you all make it on Santa's nice list!
I had a pretty good day with my little sweetie at work. Stopped on the way to work at Starbucks and bought her a latte this morning. A bit later me and "my little buddy" (the owners 2 year old granddaughter) went for a walk (she wants me to carry her) and stopped by and visited my sweetie. We had to show off the new words I have been teaching her and then we drew a few pictures. I think she really enjoys seeing me playing with the little one and is impressed with how she clings to me. I had went shopping and bought my sweetie's daughter (she's 10) a few things for Christmas and I wrapped them. Made plans to meet up after work and drop off the presents off so she could take them home, didn't want to take a chance on bringing them in the building for nosey people to see. Later in the day I asked if she had taken her daughter shopping to get her something and she said that she had made her something at School. Last year I sent some money home with her in a sealed envelope and told her to take her daughter shopping and let her buy her something. I did the same thing today and she told me I didn't have to do that, but I rebutted and said it wasn't right for her to have to give her money to buy her own gift. She was very appreciative and kept telling me how thoughtful I was. We met up and talked briefly, I dropped the presents off and we wished each other a good weekend.
I am sitting her now waiting for Monday to arrive so I can see her smiling face again.
I hope everyone's weekend is great I am going to try and hit the woods when the rain ends and may go visit my parents. BTW I hope you all make it on Santa's nice list!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Nothing new.
I am still around and reading alot of your blogs. I haven't posted much here or in comments lately. I just haven't felt like it. Christmas is almost here and I have no desire to participate. I used to get excited when the kids were young and Santa was real. I also used to try to find something really special, thoughtful and nice for my wife, but have no desire to. I have only shopped for one person and that is the daughter of the woman I have been talking with.
I know deep down inside that I am probably suffering from depression, but hate the thought of "changing me" to feel like society says I should. I have no problem functioning at work or play and have a fun upbeat attitude with almost everyone (except at home). I no longer have the strong sex drive I used to have, I just don't "feel it" at home. I guess after so much animosity , arguing and rejection you just get to a point of not caring anymore. Along with that I no longer find my wife attractive. The 5'3 105 lb woman I married is no more.
I will try to write more soon. It's late and time for work will be here before I know it.
I know deep down inside that I am probably suffering from depression, but hate the thought of "changing me" to feel like society says I should. I have no problem functioning at work or play and have a fun upbeat attitude with almost everyone (except at home). I no longer have the strong sex drive I used to have, I just don't "feel it" at home. I guess after so much animosity , arguing and rejection you just get to a point of not caring anymore. Along with that I no longer find my wife attractive. The 5'3 105 lb woman I married is no more.
I will try to write more soon. It's late and time for work will be here before I know it.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Maybe I am Psychic
Life is scary sometimes and the mind can do mysterious things. Right after posting my last blog titled "A little Jealous" I had an experience that made it true. I went out to tell my "lil someone" good bye for the day and we were talking about a work related issue. I was explaining something to her and another employee when "the new girl"( who is a very cute mexican girl) walked by heading into the office. It's unusual for a production worker to go in the office so I glanced to see who is was. That apparently was the wrong thing to do. The girl I am crazy about said "concentrate sweetheart" and stomped off. Even though I was completely innocent it did feel good to see her blood boil a little. She is a mexican also and has the temper to back it up...lol. I stopped her on the way out and told her that I didn't appreciate that, because there was nothing intended. I told her I hoped she felt better (because she was sick) and she said "she would be fine" very short and to the point. I responded "I know you will" also short and to the point...lol and walked off. So if nothing else I did get the satisfaction of knowing what it feels like for someone to be "A little jealous" of me........
A little Jealous...
I have read several of the posts here lately and one thing is apparent.... Life doesn't have to be dull and boring. Although everyone's experiences are not always joyous at least you are having experiences. I guess in a way I am having them also, it's just their the same ones over and over. They are mostly negative or mundane to say the least. Rarely do I experience something exciting with my spouse. She has no drive, desires or imitative to make things happen or to have fun. She is content with doing nothing, being a homebody, or in my opinion just being a "Lazy Bitch". She has been on vacation all last week and this week and I could probably accomplish all the things she has done in 1/2 a day.
I have spent the last couple of weekends in the woods hunting, I haven't taken any game, but being active and around alot of other people has been a nice change. While this has been exciting it does little to fill my time during the week. I am desperately looking for that someone, that experience to break up my routine.
I went to the bar Friday night and took the wife. I don't drink, but she had 2. I saw a woman who owns a restaurant in town and I have talked to her a couple times at her place. She didn't see my wife with me and when I walked up and started talking to her it was apparent that if I had of been alone I wouldn't have been for long. She asked if my "girlfriend" was with me, she didn't think I was married. I had mentioned to her in the past that I was married, whether she selectively forgot I don't know. She is not a bad looking woman and seems to be "fun loving" I may have to visit the restaurant a little more often, alone, and see what happens.
I haven't wasted to much time on my "true obsession" lately. We still talk and she knows how I feel. I can't do anything else about it. She told me this morning she was sick last night and was not feeling well today. I offered to bring her anything I could to help her feel better, but she said she would be OK. The conversation though it seemed negative, was sincere. She knows I was heartfelt in my concern for her and I could feel in the air that she would have liked it if I could have held her in my arms. When our eyes meet I can see into her soul and her into mine. It's one of those rare situations where the unspoken things say so much. We talk about her daughter and she asks my opinion on things from time to time, usually we agree and she tells me how things turned out. I show my genuine concern and she reciprocates by valuing my opinion.
Well I have to go for now work calls.......
I have spent the last couple of weekends in the woods hunting, I haven't taken any game, but being active and around alot of other people has been a nice change. While this has been exciting it does little to fill my time during the week. I am desperately looking for that someone, that experience to break up my routine.
I went to the bar Friday night and took the wife. I don't drink, but she had 2. I saw a woman who owns a restaurant in town and I have talked to her a couple times at her place. She didn't see my wife with me and when I walked up and started talking to her it was apparent that if I had of been alone I wouldn't have been for long. She asked if my "girlfriend" was with me, she didn't think I was married. I had mentioned to her in the past that I was married, whether she selectively forgot I don't know. She is not a bad looking woman and seems to be "fun loving" I may have to visit the restaurant a little more often, alone, and see what happens.
I haven't wasted to much time on my "true obsession" lately. We still talk and she knows how I feel. I can't do anything else about it. She told me this morning she was sick last night and was not feeling well today. I offered to bring her anything I could to help her feel better, but she said she would be OK. The conversation though it seemed negative, was sincere. She knows I was heartfelt in my concern for her and I could feel in the air that she would have liked it if I could have held her in my arms. When our eyes meet I can see into her soul and her into mine. It's one of those rare situations where the unspoken things say so much. We talk about her daughter and she asks my opinion on things from time to time, usually we agree and she tells me how things turned out. I show my genuine concern and she reciprocates by valuing my opinion.
Well I have to go for now work calls.......
Thursday, November 5, 2009
I am glad to read some positive posts.....
I have read several posts lately and I am glad that everything is not always negative. One thing that strikes me odd on several of the posts is that people are having the most fun when you are either with someone strange or by yourself. Not many of us post fun things that we do with our significant others. Is that because we don't do that many fun things with our significant others? or do we take them for granted and they don't come to the fore front of our minds?
After reading the responses to the letter I posted the other day I have done a 180 and have been avoiding the person I was referring to. This I guess is the most logical thing to do, but at the same time it has taken away one of the things that I really looked forward to, my fun thing. It feels good to be complimented by someone young and beautiful. Beats the hell out of arguing with the wife! Another positive thing I received from talking with her was the conversation. Sharing things that are going on with me and hearing about the things she is dealing with, that was really nice. There are alot of days I may speak 10 words or less with my wife. I catch myself hanging around work later and later just to avoid coming home. Even though I may be in my office away from the action I can always walk out and talk with someone. When I finally decide to leave may call my brother or parents just to chat on the 50 min ride home. I will call home and ask if anything is needed, but the conversations are short and uncaring, just like the offer I had to have sex with the wife tonight (which I turned down). Just a tip for the ladies.... don't tell the hubby to go ahead and get a shower so you can go have sex soon, because your tired and want to go to sleep. I guess that I should be happy she made the offer, hell it's only been close to 2 weeks.
Sorry if I have been negative for like.....forever. I am really not that type of person. Although I have allowed myself to dwell on the negative way to much lately. I like to laugh and joke. I am first in line to crack a joke and always have a quick comeback for a friendly verbal jab. I like doing fun things and I have a ton of energy to expend. It's not uncommon for me to stay up 17-20 hours on Friday & Saturday. I'm a night owl by nature, the later it gets the more alert I become. I can talk to almost anyone and have a great conversation, but no matter who I am talking with I can't (or won't) tell them the thoughts I am really having. There is one lady who lives a couple of hours from me who knows the things I have been going through and I even met her once to talk at lunch, but other than her and the folks here at blogspot thats it. Well tomorrows the day after Thursday so I better get to bed and Friday will finally be here! Thanks for listening.
After reading the responses to the letter I posted the other day I have done a 180 and have been avoiding the person I was referring to. This I guess is the most logical thing to do, but at the same time it has taken away one of the things that I really looked forward to, my fun thing. It feels good to be complimented by someone young and beautiful. Beats the hell out of arguing with the wife! Another positive thing I received from talking with her was the conversation. Sharing things that are going on with me and hearing about the things she is dealing with, that was really nice. There are alot of days I may speak 10 words or less with my wife. I catch myself hanging around work later and later just to avoid coming home. Even though I may be in my office away from the action I can always walk out and talk with someone. When I finally decide to leave may call my brother or parents just to chat on the 50 min ride home. I will call home and ask if anything is needed, but the conversations are short and uncaring, just like the offer I had to have sex with the wife tonight (which I turned down). Just a tip for the ladies.... don't tell the hubby to go ahead and get a shower so you can go have sex soon, because your tired and want to go to sleep. I guess that I should be happy she made the offer, hell it's only been close to 2 weeks.
Sorry if I have been negative for like.....forever. I am really not that type of person. Although I have allowed myself to dwell on the negative way to much lately. I like to laugh and joke. I am first in line to crack a joke and always have a quick comeback for a friendly verbal jab. I like doing fun things and I have a ton of energy to expend. It's not uncommon for me to stay up 17-20 hours on Friday & Saturday. I'm a night owl by nature, the later it gets the more alert I become. I can talk to almost anyone and have a great conversation, but no matter who I am talking with I can't (or won't) tell them the thoughts I am really having. There is one lady who lives a couple of hours from me who knows the things I have been going through and I even met her once to talk at lunch, but other than her and the folks here at blogspot thats it. Well tomorrows the day after Thursday so I better get to bed and Friday will finally be here! Thanks for listening.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Boring Shit
I Guess my last post was the same ole boring shit. I kind of like to hear opinions or comments on posts as I make several to the ones I follow, not all grant you, but several. I post to get feedback and hopefully your valuable opinions when I ask questions. Let me know if the crap is boring and I'll save my time.
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