As a continuation of my post last night. I guess I am writing because I am sick of life and nearly all there is to do with it. I do have a wonderful family that loves me unconditionally. Truth be told if it wasn't for them I would not endure the daily hassle of life any longer.
Savannah and I have continued to see each other on and off since August 2013 when we made our big split. We discussed moving back in together a couple of times and made plans to do so around the time of my surgery. She stayed over nearly every day for 3 weeks and a few days before my surgery we made love for the first time in awhile due to me having worn a catheter for a couple months. Before we could even go to sleep she was asking if "I was talking to or seeing anyone" this woman will never change. I mean seriously... I was "out of commission" for a couple months and she was here every night for 3 weeks and to then pop off and ask that.... Will she ever change?
Anyway about to weeks ago and after countless arguments of her lack of trust (that's my opinion) we decided to not see each other anymore. We have texted and talked a few times but nothing serious. In the last couple of weeks I have been talking to someone I played words with Friends with. Here we go........... She is Married, trying to get separated, etc etc etc. We've talked on the phone 2 or 3 times, and she had me install Tango on my phone and we text regularly. Until tonight that is.......... She informed me she couldn't use tango anymore because it linked to her contact list on her phone. I only got brief responses through FB messaging so I am assuming she was caught. I guess it's my big heartedness but I feel so bad for the situation she is in.
(((TO: The person reading this who knows who I am: I'm sure you've seen my FB activity so please do not say anything to this person about me or my blog. I honestly don't think you would but I am mentioning it just in case))).
The depressing part of this "getting to know someone else" is that I am really not my normal self with the pain and walking issues. I am like a young pup chasing a rabbit as I wouldn't know what to do if I caught it. This woman is apparently well off from pics I've seen, or at least her hubby is. Very active and much better looking than I feel I would do well with. So I've lived a small fantasy in my mind but don't expect to be able to fulfill it in anyway.
So now I am sitting all alone, watching movies and writing this blog. I Contemplate what and why things happen to people. I have lost all I considered to be important in the past and doubt very seriously I will ever have it again. For the moment I will continue on, praying things get better, trying to be positive and trying not to dwell on the past..........
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
Why Me....
Well it's been awhile since I've sat down and written any thing of significance. Along the time I wrote my last post in Feb 2011 I had just messaged someone on OKCupid and we started talking. She was in Savannah Ga, 155 miles away. Yeah I was at that point....
I had dated some local women and either they were "leaving" their husbands (not left yet) or weren't ready for a relationship, had unruly kids or wanted to get married right away I was pretty fed up with the dating scene. The gal who wasn't ready for a relationship and had had wonderful times together, made enjoyable love and enjoyed each others company. I on the other hand wasn't into the forever dating scene. The one thing I found out after leaving my marriage is that there was no shortage of women to date and women who were interested in me. I had some Great Times! After the Gal said she wasn't ready for a relationship I went back on OkCupid and started looking. I was frustrated and somewhat desperate for normalcy. By chance I saw a post from this woman n the main news feed who looked nice but she lived in Savannah. We started talking and seemed to hit it off well. She was still at home with her hubby (but leaving).... Yep here we go again. We continued to talk and I continued to look. Our connection grew and in April she had a place to go and made the commitment to leave. Her moving weekend passed and she was stuck but did manage to move the next weekend. We had planned to meet that weekend seeing how she was moving out the weekend before so we kept our plans. I had bought a picnic basket and filled it with all kind of little things that she may need being out on her own. I got her a cheap cell phone as she didn't have one and just a bunch of corny stuff. I had been to the beach the weekend before and took sunrise pics for her, wrote things in the sand and took pics and just all kind of corny stuff. I was totally prepared to leave it with her and drive back to Florida if we didn't hit it off. A bit of irony is that during this week the not ready for a relationship gal had been trying to call me. I blew her off and eventually let her know I was seeing someone else after the events in the next paragraph.
Well we met and instantly there was a connection! We ate lunch and went to a state park where I gave her the basket.. She was blown away. Before we were back to town we had decided to spend the night together. I planned to spend the night and see her again the next day. We stopped and got her some night clothes as she nor I had planned on staying together. Long story short our first date was 40 hours long and we were naked for at least 30 of those hours. She started driving to Florida on weekends and 2 months later Moved to Florida to be with me. Things were great. We had a Red hot sexual relationship and done a lot of things together....
It didn't take long though and the jealousy/ acquisitions started. Questions of people I worked with, friends, why did I stop at a store, why did I go mow some old ladys yard who was paying me to mow, etc etc etc. It was nearly non stop. This continued for nearly two years before the straw that broke the camels back was applied. The plant manager wanted a couple of us to have a lunch meeting and there was 1 Married woman going. I texted th girlfriend and let her know what was going on and OMG the battle began. I wound up missing lunch over it, By the end of the week it escalated to a point I was done. I was purchasing a house for US to live-in that was 30 miles closer to where we both work but decided I was done. I bought the house and fronted her $ for a nice place that she found through a work friend. So I helped her move to her place and I moved to mine.
After a few days I was talking with Ms. Not Ready again. I had not lost contact with her and would send her a happy birthday text or something just as friends. Well we went out a couple times, laughs galore. She knew about Savannah. Things went ok and we wound up having a few words over her cat having to be put down. I made a bad joke about not needing vets for that where I grew up and she did it appreciate it at all. I apologized several times and we talked but things never went any further. We decided it was better it happened sooner rather than later. I haven't spoken to or texted her in two years now.
During the last 4 years I have had a lot of changes in my life. I started having pain in one foot then the other, feet swelling, back pain, bladder issues, it seemed I was falling apart even though I was in the best shape I had been in in probably my life. Things continued to worsen and about a year ago I started having a lot of tests ran. I wound up wearing a full time catheter for 3 months because my bladder was holding fluid and causing current and potential kidney problems. After the gamete of tests an MRI showed that I had what they thought was a tumor inside of my spinal column. I had surgery sept 23 2014. They removed bone from my spine, Went inside of the Dura that surrounds your spinal cord and found a Dermoid Cyst. They split the cyst open and sowed me back up. I thought it would have been taken out and didn't find out that it wasn't until I went for my follow up surgeon visit. I went through a lot of pain and walking first with a walker then a cane and these Assholes didn't remove but are letting something drain and my body absorb the fluid!!. To this day I have constant pain in my feet, I stumble sometimes, I walk like a robot at times, I have lost feeling in my feet to an extent and this causes the constant pain. I still work and get around but always in pain. Bladder issues are much better, but not totally fixed. Atleast I no longer have to wear a catheter.
I will continue this more with the Savannah Story, How I feel about life in general and things I have considered............
I had dated some local women and either they were "leaving" their husbands (not left yet) or weren't ready for a relationship, had unruly kids or wanted to get married right away I was pretty fed up with the dating scene. The gal who wasn't ready for a relationship and had had wonderful times together, made enjoyable love and enjoyed each others company. I on the other hand wasn't into the forever dating scene. The one thing I found out after leaving my marriage is that there was no shortage of women to date and women who were interested in me. I had some Great Times! After the Gal said she wasn't ready for a relationship I went back on OkCupid and started looking. I was frustrated and somewhat desperate for normalcy. By chance I saw a post from this woman n the main news feed who looked nice but she lived in Savannah. We started talking and seemed to hit it off well. She was still at home with her hubby (but leaving).... Yep here we go again. We continued to talk and I continued to look. Our connection grew and in April she had a place to go and made the commitment to leave. Her moving weekend passed and she was stuck but did manage to move the next weekend. We had planned to meet that weekend seeing how she was moving out the weekend before so we kept our plans. I had bought a picnic basket and filled it with all kind of little things that she may need being out on her own. I got her a cheap cell phone as she didn't have one and just a bunch of corny stuff. I had been to the beach the weekend before and took sunrise pics for her, wrote things in the sand and took pics and just all kind of corny stuff. I was totally prepared to leave it with her and drive back to Florida if we didn't hit it off. A bit of irony is that during this week the not ready for a relationship gal had been trying to call me. I blew her off and eventually let her know I was seeing someone else after the events in the next paragraph.
Well we met and instantly there was a connection! We ate lunch and went to a state park where I gave her the basket.. She was blown away. Before we were back to town we had decided to spend the night together. I planned to spend the night and see her again the next day. We stopped and got her some night clothes as she nor I had planned on staying together. Long story short our first date was 40 hours long and we were naked for at least 30 of those hours. She started driving to Florida on weekends and 2 months later Moved to Florida to be with me. Things were great. We had a Red hot sexual relationship and done a lot of things together....
It didn't take long though and the jealousy/ acquisitions started. Questions of people I worked with, friends, why did I stop at a store, why did I go mow some old ladys yard who was paying me to mow, etc etc etc. It was nearly non stop. This continued for nearly two years before the straw that broke the camels back was applied. The plant manager wanted a couple of us to have a lunch meeting and there was 1 Married woman going. I texted th girlfriend and let her know what was going on and OMG the battle began. I wound up missing lunch over it, By the end of the week it escalated to a point I was done. I was purchasing a house for US to live-in that was 30 miles closer to where we both work but decided I was done. I bought the house and fronted her $ for a nice place that she found through a work friend. So I helped her move to her place and I moved to mine.
After a few days I was talking with Ms. Not Ready again. I had not lost contact with her and would send her a happy birthday text or something just as friends. Well we went out a couple times, laughs galore. She knew about Savannah. Things went ok and we wound up having a few words over her cat having to be put down. I made a bad joke about not needing vets for that where I grew up and she did it appreciate it at all. I apologized several times and we talked but things never went any further. We decided it was better it happened sooner rather than later. I haven't spoken to or texted her in two years now.
During the last 4 years I have had a lot of changes in my life. I started having pain in one foot then the other, feet swelling, back pain, bladder issues, it seemed I was falling apart even though I was in the best shape I had been in in probably my life. Things continued to worsen and about a year ago I started having a lot of tests ran. I wound up wearing a full time catheter for 3 months because my bladder was holding fluid and causing current and potential kidney problems. After the gamete of tests an MRI showed that I had what they thought was a tumor inside of my spinal column. I had surgery sept 23 2014. They removed bone from my spine, Went inside of the Dura that surrounds your spinal cord and found a Dermoid Cyst. They split the cyst open and sowed me back up. I thought it would have been taken out and didn't find out that it wasn't until I went for my follow up surgeon visit. I went through a lot of pain and walking first with a walker then a cane and these Assholes didn't remove but are letting something drain and my body absorb the fluid!!. To this day I have constant pain in my feet, I stumble sometimes, I walk like a robot at times, I have lost feeling in my feet to an extent and this causes the constant pain. I still work and get around but always in pain. Bladder issues are much better, but not totally fixed. Atleast I no longer have to wear a catheter.
I will continue this more with the Savannah Story, How I feel about life in general and things I have considered............
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Soo Tiring...
The last year has been a wearisome one. It has had it's ups and downs, Good times and bad. Now I am almost at a stand still. I have been looking for a companion to walk with me through this crazy thing called life. Someone who is compatible with me and who is AVAILABLE emotionally. There are alot of people who for whatever reason aren't available to commit to someone or to even open up to them completely.
I am just really at a point that I do not know what I am willing to settle for or what I want to do next. I know in my heart what I have to offer, finding the person that is "my match" to share it with is frustrating. I get offers to date, go out quite often, but they are not the ones I want to spend my time with or offer myself to. Why is it that is how we always react? Do we expect perfection when we do not have it to offer? If only we could open our eyes and see from the inside out to start with, maybe just maybe we could find the happiness we so desire.
So for now. I am tired, beat down, dejected & at a stand still. I am losing my desire to "play the game" or "continue the hunt". Writing here used to be a release so I think I will be back very soon.
Mike
I am just really at a point that I do not know what I am willing to settle for or what I want to do next. I know in my heart what I have to offer, finding the person that is "my match" to share it with is frustrating. I get offers to date, go out quite often, but they are not the ones I want to spend my time with or offer myself to. Why is it that is how we always react? Do we expect perfection when we do not have it to offer? If only we could open our eyes and see from the inside out to start with, maybe just maybe we could find the happiness we so desire.
So for now. I am tired, beat down, dejected & at a stand still. I am losing my desire to "play the game" or "continue the hunt". Writing here used to be a release so I think I will be back very soon.
Mike
Friday, August 13, 2010
Still Here
Well I am still seeing my new friend. This saturday is 2 months. We still get along great, laugh and joke alot and constantly talk on the phone when were not working. It to me is a little annoying, but it is nice to have someone to talk with.
I am still having issues with letting go of J. the woman I have talked to for 2 1/2 years now. She still likes to play her games and I fall into them each and every time. Regardless of how well things are going with my new friend, I still want to be with the other one. Very Badly. I know I am "better of" with the girl I am seeing, she treats me great, but Everyone knows the feeling of "wanting what you can't have" & I have it badly. Tuesday she texted me 27 times, back and forth asking questions, talking about going out etc, & then Wed/Thursday almost nothing, just a few hey how you doing?, whats going on at work? crap type texts.
The one thing J. is great about doing is making me feel like shit about myself. She knows & I know that no one is going to treat her as good as I would. She tells me she cares about me, but never will commit to going out. There is always an excuse. It doesn't help that we work in the same place, that throws a wrench into it to. I have to see her everyday. Otherwise common sense would let me move on.
I am heading over to see my new Friend today and I am sure we will have fun. The thing that messes with my mind is that I will never look at her the same way I look at the woman I can't have.
Why can't we appreciate what is right in front of us? Why do we torture ourselves? There are alot of sayings about Love hurting, etc. I can honestly say I have experienced this......
I am still having issues with letting go of J. the woman I have talked to for 2 1/2 years now. She still likes to play her games and I fall into them each and every time. Regardless of how well things are going with my new friend, I still want to be with the other one. Very Badly. I know I am "better of" with the girl I am seeing, she treats me great, but Everyone knows the feeling of "wanting what you can't have" & I have it badly. Tuesday she texted me 27 times, back and forth asking questions, talking about going out etc, & then Wed/Thursday almost nothing, just a few hey how you doing?, whats going on at work? crap type texts.
The one thing J. is great about doing is making me feel like shit about myself. She knows & I know that no one is going to treat her as good as I would. She tells me she cares about me, but never will commit to going out. There is always an excuse. It doesn't help that we work in the same place, that throws a wrench into it to. I have to see her everyday. Otherwise common sense would let me move on.
I am heading over to see my new Friend today and I am sure we will have fun. The thing that messes with my mind is that I will never look at her the same way I look at the woman I can't have.
Why can't we appreciate what is right in front of us? Why do we torture ourselves? There are alot of sayings about Love hurting, etc. I can honestly say I have experienced this......
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Almost a month......
Well Saturday will be a month since I met the new gal I am seeing. We talked for about a week before that and haven't really been counting that week...lol. I have been with alot of women in my younger years and never ever have I had one treat me as good as this one does. She is so sweet to me. Lord knows I feel as if I have uncaged a Tiger when were together. She is so sensual and sexy when were with each other and she can't keep her hands off of me. She always tells me how much she misses me and how great she thinks I look and that I am the best guy she has ever been with in bed.
We have a big weekend planned as this will be our first weekend "truly alone". Her 15 year old son will be on a camping trip with the boy scouts. I have been spending Wednesday nights and Fri, Sat Sun with her for the last few weekends. She was married for 15 years before I met her and me for 19 so we have both came out of long relationships. She is 34 so basically in alot of ways so sexually she is still like the teenager she was when she got married. I'm glad she had a guy who didn't care about pleasing his woman. I know right now that she is experiencing things she never has before & not just sexually. I treat her very well and always tell her sweet little things.
Well I will write more later. Kind of funny these days that I have big smiles and laugh alot!!! Mike
We have a big weekend planned as this will be our first weekend "truly alone". Her 15 year old son will be on a camping trip with the boy scouts. I have been spending Wednesday nights and Fri, Sat Sun with her for the last few weekends. She was married for 15 years before I met her and me for 19 so we have both came out of long relationships. She is 34 so basically in alot of ways so sexually she is still like the teenager she was when she got married. I'm glad she had a guy who didn't care about pleasing his woman. I know right now that she is experiencing things she never has before & not just sexually. I treat her very well and always tell her sweet little things.
Well I will write more later. Kind of funny these days that I have big smiles and laugh alot!!! Mike
Friday, July 2, 2010
Moving right along......
Well things with my new gal are going Great. I spent the whole weekend there last weekend and went over Wednesday night and spent the night there again. We had a couple of "petting" sessions last weekend (Aunt flo was visiting). I wound up getting her off just by rubbing on her with only her top off. I told her I would love to make love to her right then and get her off again. She said she had never got off twice in a night. Challenge time...lol & yes a few minutes later she could no longer say that again......smile!
I am heading over again this afternoon. Bags are packed to spend the weekend! We should have a great weekend and finally have sex. I know it is going to be HOT!!!!
More updates to come!!
I am heading over again this afternoon. Bags are packed to spend the weekend! We should have a great weekend and finally have sex. I know it is going to be HOT!!!!
More updates to come!!
Monday, June 21, 2010
So this is what it should feel like??
Below is a message I sent to a good friend of mine concerning the weekend I had with the 34 year old gal I just met. I had an amazing weekend. Saturday night our first meeting went very well also, but last night was just amazing..................
I had the best time today that I have probably ever had in my life. It's 3am & I am just getting home. We didn't have sex, things were to the point it could have easily gone that way, but I would have said no. We went to the mall this afternoon, walked around, held hands, visited an ice cream shop and then just sat, talked snuggled and people watched. Left there to go to Walmart and I realized I left something in my truck when she asked about it I said it was no biggie that I would pick it up later. She wouldn't listen and drove all the way back home so I could get it. walked around walmart together then went to a nice (not expensive) restaurant to eat. Had a good meal and went back to her place. I met her son, he was a little apprehensive at first, but came out in a little while and we talked a good little bit. He said he was good with me, but I should go meet "mean aunt cindy"...lol. To see if I hated her to...lol. When he was in his room I sneaked a kiss, first one. She was good with it, I told her I just had to…lol. Christy showed me around the complex she manages, it’s big and she has a lot of pride in it. We went for a LONG walk together holding hands and I would stop every now and then and touch her face or massage her shoulders. She was liking it. I figured the walk was about over when we made it back to the road going into the complex, but oh no, she pulled my hand and we walked a lot more. She wound up skipping the bonfire she had planned to attend. We spent the rest of the night on her porch and on the tailgate of my truck. I have never just held someone and felt the way I did. She was feeling it to. I kissed her around the neck so many times and her breathing was letting me know it was all good. I would tell her how good she felt and one time I said “I don’t know when or how long it will take, but at some point I am going to kiss every inch of your body like this” (she melted into me). So many times we would get to a heated point and someone would come by on the road and we would calm down. Never losing touch, but slacking off. At one point when we were holding each other I told her I could hold her like this in my arms and fall asleep without any other expectations. She is a little reserved and I had asked her the other day about how she was with taking initiative, tonight she said she wasn’t good at making moves. I explained why it was important to me, that I had always been the one initating & wanted someone to "want me". From that point on she was more aggressive. She squeezed and touched my arms, neck and chest, massaged by back when her arms were around me & Held onto me. When I would rest my head on her shoulder she would kiss around my neck. I would get chill bumps all over and told her so. I made sure she could hear my breaths in her ear and would just jerk a little at her slightest touch. She was loving it. I felt something tonight I don’t think I have ever felt before.
We talked about so many things, serious things, expectations, past experiences and why WE ARE the way we are. She is just like me about so many feelings. We even talked about having kids. She knew I only have 1 daughter and asked about kids. The whole story about me wanting a boy came up and out she pops with she had thought of Maybe having another child. Her son is 15. We could not keep or hands off each other. Never once did I touch her below the belt other than stroking her legs and ankles when she was sitting on my tailgate.. (BTW we got our asses eat up with mosquitoes) (& It DIDN'T MATTER) I have got to get to bed. I think I will sleep, I KNOW I will be thinking of her! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
I had the best time today that I have probably ever had in my life. It's 3am & I am just getting home. We didn't have sex, things were to the point it could have easily gone that way, but I would have said no. We went to the mall this afternoon, walked around, held hands, visited an ice cream shop and then just sat, talked snuggled and people watched. Left there to go to Walmart and I realized I left something in my truck when she asked about it I said it was no biggie that I would pick it up later. She wouldn't listen and drove all the way back home so I could get it. walked around walmart together then went to a nice (not expensive) restaurant to eat. Had a good meal and went back to her place. I met her son, he was a little apprehensive at first, but came out in a little while and we talked a good little bit. He said he was good with me, but I should go meet "mean aunt cindy"...lol. To see if I hated her to...lol. When he was in his room I sneaked a kiss, first one. She was good with it, I told her I just had to…lol. Christy showed me around the complex she manages, it’s big and she has a lot of pride in it. We went for a LONG walk together holding hands and I would stop every now and then and touch her face or massage her shoulders. She was liking it. I figured the walk was about over when we made it back to the road going into the complex, but oh no, she pulled my hand and we walked a lot more. She wound up skipping the bonfire she had planned to attend. We spent the rest of the night on her porch and on the tailgate of my truck. I have never just held someone and felt the way I did. She was feeling it to. I kissed her around the neck so many times and her breathing was letting me know it was all good. I would tell her how good she felt and one time I said “I don’t know when or how long it will take, but at some point I am going to kiss every inch of your body like this” (she melted into me). So many times we would get to a heated point and someone would come by on the road and we would calm down. Never losing touch, but slacking off. At one point when we were holding each other I told her I could hold her like this in my arms and fall asleep without any other expectations. She is a little reserved and I had asked her the other day about how she was with taking initiative, tonight she said she wasn’t good at making moves. I explained why it was important to me, that I had always been the one initating & wanted someone to "want me". From that point on she was more aggressive. She squeezed and touched my arms, neck and chest, massaged by back when her arms were around me & Held onto me. When I would rest my head on her shoulder she would kiss around my neck. I would get chill bumps all over and told her so. I made sure she could hear my breaths in her ear and would just jerk a little at her slightest touch. She was loving it. I felt something tonight I don’t think I have ever felt before.
We talked about so many things, serious things, expectations, past experiences and why WE ARE the way we are. She is just like me about so many feelings. We even talked about having kids. She knew I only have 1 daughter and asked about kids. The whole story about me wanting a boy came up and out she pops with she had thought of Maybe having another child. Her son is 15. We could not keep or hands off each other. Never once did I touch her below the belt other than stroking her legs and ankles when she was sitting on my tailgate.. (BTW we got our asses eat up with mosquitoes) (& It DIDN'T MATTER) I have got to get to bed. I think I will sleep, I KNOW I will be thinking of her! Can’t wait to hear your thoughts.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Moving Along
Well I've had a pretty good week. Had a couple heart to heart talks withthe 27 year old and I doubt I will waste much more time on her. I went to Dance classes Wednesday (with a Friend)and will be going back tonight (without her...lol). I plan to do some prowling, like a Lion on the hunt.....lol No i'm not being a "dog", but I am exploring my possibilities! To quote my new interest " thats the Magic of divorce".
I've been walking on some trails right down the road from work, Great Exercise!! Have dropped a few more lbs this week. Getting comments and clothes fitting differently keeps me motivated.
I started talking with a 34 year old gal (my new interest) a few days ago and that is progressing nicely. She is separated from 15 years of marriage and we have had a few 3 or 4 hour chats. We're going to meet tomorrow afternoon. She is really funny!, gives me lots of attention (which I like), seems to like the fact I am a "nice guy" and oh yeah did i say she is 34....lol. I knew from the start I wanted to wind up with a younger woman and don't plan to compromise on that. I canceled a date with a 37 year old yesterday, I just wasn't "feeling it". She was a lil upset, but life goes on. I'm not perfect by no means, but shit when your 37 you shouldn't have gone to hell already....lol.
The 34 year old may not be perfect, but she is doing the right things, enough so that I may be willing to give it a little time. She had a bad husband and is a little low on self esteem, but maybe with a little support that can change. Another thing I like is she is 1/2 japanese, Has a completely different outlook than these caucasion gals do. For long time readers you may remember a whole blog story on my thoughts on that....lol. Yeah I'm still Big Mike, but this gal is 5'9" also so she might "fit" as well as the 6'0" tall gal I was with a few weeks ago. Regardless I hope to have fun tomorrow evening. She is a little shy and I'm not being pushy, but I am trying to get her to open on on some things. Oh by the way......She sounds so sweet on the phone!!!!
Well I'll write more maybe Sunday and fill all 1 of you that reads and responds in on how the weekend goes!!
Be Sweet & Stay Safe!!
I've been walking on some trails right down the road from work, Great Exercise!! Have dropped a few more lbs this week. Getting comments and clothes fitting differently keeps me motivated.
I started talking with a 34 year old gal (my new interest) a few days ago and that is progressing nicely. She is separated from 15 years of marriage and we have had a few 3 or 4 hour chats. We're going to meet tomorrow afternoon. She is really funny!, gives me lots of attention (which I like), seems to like the fact I am a "nice guy" and oh yeah did i say she is 34....lol. I knew from the start I wanted to wind up with a younger woman and don't plan to compromise on that. I canceled a date with a 37 year old yesterday, I just wasn't "feeling it". She was a lil upset, but life goes on. I'm not perfect by no means, but shit when your 37 you shouldn't have gone to hell already....lol.
The 34 year old may not be perfect, but she is doing the right things, enough so that I may be willing to give it a little time. She had a bad husband and is a little low on self esteem, but maybe with a little support that can change. Another thing I like is she is 1/2 japanese, Has a completely different outlook than these caucasion gals do. For long time readers you may remember a whole blog story on my thoughts on that....lol. Yeah I'm still Big Mike, but this gal is 5'9" also so she might "fit" as well as the 6'0" tall gal I was with a few weeks ago. Regardless I hope to have fun tomorrow evening. She is a little shy and I'm not being pushy, but I am trying to get her to open on on some things. Oh by the way......She sounds so sweet on the phone!!!!
Well I'll write more maybe Sunday and fill all 1 of you that reads and responds in on how the weekend goes!!
Be Sweet & Stay Safe!!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Updates....
Well lot of changes again. I am back to not talking with the 27 year old. Quit talking to her for a week and out of the blue, she starts texting again. Always ends up with an excuse to not go out, so to make a long story short I told her until she decides what she TRULY wants, she needs to just let me go and not contact me. I am still talking with the gal I slept with, not everyday but 4 or 5 times this week. I am playing it cool with her & not "being a fool" like I have done with the other one. One positive thing about her is that she will initate conversations, although random, It's bertter than nothing.
My biggest news is I am working my ass off to really get toned up and in shape. I came to the realization that to have what I "want" in a woman I have to "give" it back to her. Years and years of married life, i pretty much took for granted that "being a good guy" was enough to "please" most women, but being single again has snapped me into reality. I have a goal and will get there. I've been eating right for over a year now and hitting the gym, working out at home & walking a coule miles everyday I can is paying off. I am starting to like what I am seeing in the mirror & as much as I critique other people thats a good thing. If i like it, I'm sure someone else will.
Well best of luck to everyone! I will keep you all posted, Been working on tanning also, so when it all comes together I may post a pic of the finished product here. Take Care, Mike
My biggest news is I am working my ass off to really get toned up and in shape. I came to the realization that to have what I "want" in a woman I have to "give" it back to her. Years and years of married life, i pretty much took for granted that "being a good guy" was enough to "please" most women, but being single again has snapped me into reality. I have a goal and will get there. I've been eating right for over a year now and hitting the gym, working out at home & walking a coule miles everyday I can is paying off. I am starting to like what I am seeing in the mirror & as much as I critique other people thats a good thing. If i like it, I'm sure someone else will.
Well best of luck to everyone! I will keep you all posted, Been working on tanning also, so when it all comes together I may post a pic of the finished product here. Take Care, Mike
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Drama, Sex, Drama, Love.....
Wow, Lots going on lately!! Been meeting some new ladies since I've moved out, 3 of them were no dice, I didn't feel any connection there. This 4th one though we did hit it off nice. Had dinner on Thursday and talked for about 4 hours, didn't talk alot Friday, but went out Saturday night. Went to a local festival and from the moment we got out of the truck she had my hand in hers. We spent the evening walking around, looking listening to music and visiting. Had a really good time.
We would stop and kiss or I'd rub her shoulders while we were standing, listening to music. Lots of laughing and conversation. We decided to leave the festival and go shoot pool, but never made it inside. We started talking and making out in my truck and the next thing I know she wants to know how far it is to my place. I seriously wasn't expecting things to move so quickly, but after deciding 30 minutes was to far to make it to my place, we got a hotel and OMG did we have a hell of a night! It's been 20 years since I was with another woman and the thought that crossed my mind after everything was going on is "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING" for waiting so long to leave my wife. This gal is 6 ft tall and I'm 6'5" talk about things fitting right and positions working out. She was an absolute "freak". I loved it. We had wild sex for about 3 hours and then got dressed and went to breakfast at 1:30 in the morning. Came back to the hotel and got right back in it till almost 4am. She fell asleep with me massaging her and I was so fired up sleep was the farthest thing from my mind.
Well The story doesn't always have a happy ending, but when we parted ways Sunday everything was great. Then she starts having problems from her "ex", we had discussed alot of things while we were talking in bed, her living situation etc; and now the ex is on her ass. Making threats & all kind of crap. So she is going to go to Georgia for a couple weeks with her aunt to try and let it cool down. I offered to help in any way I could, but I'm not dragging myself into a potentialy dangerous situation over a night of great sex.
I am a nice guy and would do about anything for anyone, but my past experiences with being "played" have made a dramatic effect on my willingness to tolerate BS. I am going to meet another gal this week, she's 37, 6 years younger than me, the red head was 38 btw, & I'll see where this one goes......
The 27 year old that I have been in limbo with for over two years has been making some serious efforts to let me know she is still there. I had quit talking with her again for a few weeks now. She stopped me the other day and was telling me how "special of a man I was to her", always asking how I'm doing, what I'm eating, telling me things she cooks, and we've been texting alot lately. I'll play along & who knows something may come of it. But in the meantime I won't have all my eggs in one basket and will be quick to move on at the first sign of any BS.
So, for Right Now, Big Mike is smiling and checking out some long forgotten opportunities.
We would stop and kiss or I'd rub her shoulders while we were standing, listening to music. Lots of laughing and conversation. We decided to leave the festival and go shoot pool, but never made it inside. We started talking and making out in my truck and the next thing I know she wants to know how far it is to my place. I seriously wasn't expecting things to move so quickly, but after deciding 30 minutes was to far to make it to my place, we got a hotel and OMG did we have a hell of a night! It's been 20 years since I was with another woman and the thought that crossed my mind after everything was going on is "WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING" for waiting so long to leave my wife. This gal is 6 ft tall and I'm 6'5" talk about things fitting right and positions working out. She was an absolute "freak". I loved it. We had wild sex for about 3 hours and then got dressed and went to breakfast at 1:30 in the morning. Came back to the hotel and got right back in it till almost 4am. She fell asleep with me massaging her and I was so fired up sleep was the farthest thing from my mind.
Well The story doesn't always have a happy ending, but when we parted ways Sunday everything was great. Then she starts having problems from her "ex", we had discussed alot of things while we were talking in bed, her living situation etc; and now the ex is on her ass. Making threats & all kind of crap. So she is going to go to Georgia for a couple weeks with her aunt to try and let it cool down. I offered to help in any way I could, but I'm not dragging myself into a potentialy dangerous situation over a night of great sex.
I am a nice guy and would do about anything for anyone, but my past experiences with being "played" have made a dramatic effect on my willingness to tolerate BS. I am going to meet another gal this week, she's 37, 6 years younger than me, the red head was 38 btw, & I'll see where this one goes......
The 27 year old that I have been in limbo with for over two years has been making some serious efforts to let me know she is still there. I had quit talking with her again for a few weeks now. She stopped me the other day and was telling me how "special of a man I was to her", always asking how I'm doing, what I'm eating, telling me things she cooks, and we've been texting alot lately. I'll play along & who knows something may come of it. But in the meantime I won't have all my eggs in one basket and will be quick to move on at the first sign of any BS.
So, for Right Now, Big Mike is smiling and checking out some long forgotten opportunities.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Made the move.....
Well last week I had all I could take with my home life situation. I have been looking at places to stay for a long time and found one last Tuesday. I was out of the house by Thursday. Today I got my Cable hooked up and also back on the internet!! Atleast I can have a little normalcy now.
I had quit talking to the woman I am in love with for about 6 or so weeks and before I made the final step to move out she started texting me. We texted all weekend and thats when I increased my efforts to move out. She didn't know anything about it until it was done. We talked/texted for several days and now that Mothers Day is over we are back to not talking. In her defense she found out yesterday her Dad is in the hospital and I know that is weighing heavy on her mind. I know she had been dating someone and she told be it was over the weekend before Mothers Day when we started texting. I bought her flowers Friday and a gift card in her Mothers Day card. gave her daughter some $ to shop for her and then the other flowers came today.... I don't blame the guy I would try also. I do blame her though for not responding to me this afternoon. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she is just concerned for her Father, but in my heart I think I have been used again.
I honestly don't know why I have to be so Damn Stupid. Not about moving away from home, that situation has been terrible for a long time. I know in the end I will be much better off for it! I have talked to a few women from the "dating sites" met 2 of them in person, but they are not what I am looking for. Well I have vented here a little, I don't feel a whole lot better, but a little. When I walked away for the 6 weeks I had got to a point I was pretty much ok with it. Then get drug right back in like a puppy on a leash. I have known her for a little over 2 years and there is so much that is special about her, We never have had a sexual relationship and all of my love for her comes from actually knowing her as a person. This is the only woman I have ever spent this much time "getting to know" and knowing her for who she is as a person really really breaks my heart not to be with her.............
I had quit talking to the woman I am in love with for about 6 or so weeks and before I made the final step to move out she started texting me. We texted all weekend and thats when I increased my efforts to move out. She didn't know anything about it until it was done. We talked/texted for several days and now that Mothers Day is over we are back to not talking. In her defense she found out yesterday her Dad is in the hospital and I know that is weighing heavy on her mind. I know she had been dating someone and she told be it was over the weekend before Mothers Day when we started texting. I bought her flowers Friday and a gift card in her Mothers Day card. gave her daughter some $ to shop for her and then the other flowers came today.... I don't blame the guy I would try also. I do blame her though for not responding to me this afternoon. I am giving her the benefit of the doubt and hoping she is just concerned for her Father, but in my heart I think I have been used again.
I honestly don't know why I have to be so Damn Stupid. Not about moving away from home, that situation has been terrible for a long time. I know in the end I will be much better off for it! I have talked to a few women from the "dating sites" met 2 of them in person, but they are not what I am looking for. Well I have vented here a little, I don't feel a whole lot better, but a little. When I walked away for the 6 weeks I had got to a point I was pretty much ok with it. Then get drug right back in like a puppy on a leash. I have known her for a little over 2 years and there is so much that is special about her, We never have had a sexual relationship and all of my love for her comes from actually knowing her as a person. This is the only woman I have ever spent this much time "getting to know" and knowing her for who she is as a person really really breaks my heart not to be with her.............
Friday, March 12, 2010
Laying it on the line......
Wrote this for the woman that has been driving me crazy for 2 years now. It's time for this thing to come to a head and blossom or to bust......
I don’t know why, but I will have a million things in my mind that I want to say to you, but when I get the chance to talk my words never come out right. I didn’t sleep very much last night because of all the things I wished I could tell you & it is hard to say things in a txt & 4 them 2 sound right if UNO what I mean…
I am glad that you are not upset with me and I hope by writing that I can say some of the things that are hard to speak. I honestly thought that you knew how I felt about you. I have written several letters and even the note I put in your card yesterday at the bottom said the things that are in my mind. Maybe I wasn’t clear and if so that’s my fault. My actions or “lack of taking action” to my bad situation could have also been confusing. I never wanted to promise you something and not be capable of keeping my promise. I have my mind made up on what I need to do and I am doing whether or not I am ever able to be with you, or talk with you again. I hope that this is not the case, as that would mean have I lost someone who is very special to me.
As I mentioned earlier you have done nothing but be yourself and that is the person that I care so much for. I have seen you when you were happy, mad, sick, tired, concerned, playful, serious and about every range of emotion in between. No matter the situation you have always been someone special in my eyes. I am thankful for the amount of time that we have just “talked” because that has given me the opportunity to know you better as a person. To see you for whom you are without jumping into something based solely on attraction. Don’t get me wrong I think you are a stunningly beautiful woman, but there is so much more to you than that.
I texted yesterday that “you know I would be good to you and to Mini”. I want you to know that I understand she is the most important person in your life & anything I could do to help you and to be there for her would be very important to me also.
Lastly it’s not really the fact that you are seeing, have seen or want to see someone, you are single and that’s your prerogative. My question is whether or not you want to give me a chance to be in your life? I have told you my plans to make changes and that I will step away if you aren’t interested. This is the last thing that I want to do, but I would, if there is no chance for me to be with you, to get to know you better & you me. To keep wondering keeps my heart in knots. I have never really asked you for anything except an answer to this question and regardless of your answer it would be a kindness to me to really know.
I hope your afternoon is good and that Mini is feeling better today. Maybe U can text me & let me know. TTYL
I don’t know why, but I will have a million things in my mind that I want to say to you, but when I get the chance to talk my words never come out right. I didn’t sleep very much last night because of all the things I wished I could tell you & it is hard to say things in a txt & 4 them 2 sound right if UNO what I mean…
I am glad that you are not upset with me and I hope by writing that I can say some of the things that are hard to speak. I honestly thought that you knew how I felt about you. I have written several letters and even the note I put in your card yesterday at the bottom said the things that are in my mind. Maybe I wasn’t clear and if so that’s my fault. My actions or “lack of taking action” to my bad situation could have also been confusing. I never wanted to promise you something and not be capable of keeping my promise. I have my mind made up on what I need to do and I am doing whether or not I am ever able to be with you, or talk with you again. I hope that this is not the case, as that would mean have I lost someone who is very special to me.
As I mentioned earlier you have done nothing but be yourself and that is the person that I care so much for. I have seen you when you were happy, mad, sick, tired, concerned, playful, serious and about every range of emotion in between. No matter the situation you have always been someone special in my eyes. I am thankful for the amount of time that we have just “talked” because that has given me the opportunity to know you better as a person. To see you for whom you are without jumping into something based solely on attraction. Don’t get me wrong I think you are a stunningly beautiful woman, but there is so much more to you than that.
I texted yesterday that “you know I would be good to you and to Mini”. I want you to know that I understand she is the most important person in your life & anything I could do to help you and to be there for her would be very important to me also.
Lastly it’s not really the fact that you are seeing, have seen or want to see someone, you are single and that’s your prerogative. My question is whether or not you want to give me a chance to be in your life? I have told you my plans to make changes and that I will step away if you aren’t interested. This is the last thing that I want to do, but I would, if there is no chance for me to be with you, to get to know you better & you me. To keep wondering keeps my heart in knots. I have never really asked you for anything except an answer to this question and regardless of your answer it would be a kindness to me to really know.
I hope your afternoon is good and that Mini is feeling better today. Maybe U can text me & let me know. TTYL
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Someone Very Special Birthday's Today
I hope you have a wonderful birthday! You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met and your Birthday offers me the chance to tell you so. You have inspired me in so many ways and opened my mind and my heart. Because of you I see the world much brighter and with a more caring heart.
You are a wonderful Mom and one of the most caring people I have ever known. I know your daughter is the most important person in your life and that she loves you. Just as she said to you the other day “that you make her feel special” by the way you care for her. I know you take very good care of her and would do anything in the world for her. When she is not feeling well, I know that you are hurting and I wish to be able to help in anyway possible, for you both.
Sometimes I don’t tell you how much you are appreciated and respected or how much you mean to me; I hope that you can forgive me for my forgetfulness and read between the lines during those times and know that I care for you. I care for you not sometimes, part time or just once in awhile, but all the time. Knowing you has made me strive to be a better person. For this I am very thankful. I am far from being the best that I can be, but each day I am driven to be better. One day I hope to be able to be someone that you would want to give you the happiness, love and respect that you deserve.....
You are a wonderful Mom and one of the most caring people I have ever known. I know your daughter is the most important person in your life and that she loves you. Just as she said to you the other day “that you make her feel special” by the way you care for her. I know you take very good care of her and would do anything in the world for her. When she is not feeling well, I know that you are hurting and I wish to be able to help in anyway possible, for you both.
Sometimes I don’t tell you how much you are appreciated and respected or how much you mean to me; I hope that you can forgive me for my forgetfulness and read between the lines during those times and know that I care for you. I care for you not sometimes, part time or just once in awhile, but all the time. Knowing you has made me strive to be a better person. For this I am very thankful. I am far from being the best that I can be, but each day I am driven to be better. One day I hope to be able to be someone that you would want to give you the happiness, love and respect that you deserve.....
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Thinking of my Sweetheart............
I thought of you with Love today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday & days before that too. I think of you in silence, I seldom speak your name. All I have are memories, not even your picture in a frame. Thoughts of you are my keepsakes, of with which I'll never part. I may never have you in my life, but you are always in my heart......
Monday, February 15, 2010
Valentines
I hope everyone had a great Valentines day. The fate of mine was pretty much sealed Friday night with yet another arguement and talk of divorce. I have been checking out places to rent for a little while now and think I am going to make the change. I did tell the B!tch at home that I wouldn't be walking away with nothing. Her B-day was Saturday and despite the shit that happened the night before; I took her to breakfast, went treasure hunting at yard sales and then went into St. Augustine to walk and visit the shops on George Street. We then had dinner with the kids and her parents and went bowling. I would of thought after devoting a whole day to the B!tch she could have made some kind of effort on valentines, but that wasn't to happen. I turly do hope everyone had a nice valentines with their partners.
Just thought I'd post and let anyone who cares know I am still around.
Just thought I'd post and let anyone who cares know I am still around.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Interesting week
Well the first week of the new year is underway. I posted the week after Christmas that I had made up my mind to quit letting my mind run me ragged with the sweet young woman at work. I have held out for almost 2 weeks now and been very distant with her. Yesterday she stops me and asked me "what has she done wrong to make me mad"? I told her she had done nothing. She apologized for me being upset and I again told her she had done nothing wrong. She said that something had to have happened for me to have just quit talking to her. I told her I had thought about talking to her yesterday and when we got a minute I would explain. A bit later in private I really opened up to her about the way I had been feeling and that I had made a decision to quit worrying over the whole situation. I told her about spending a whole weekend away from home christmas weekend and thats when I made my decision to bury my self in work and quit hoping for something that wasn't going to happen. I told her that I thought the world of her and that I probably always would but I couldn't keep wanting something that was never going to be. I told her that there wasn't a man alive that would treat her any better than I would, but I just didn't feel I would ever be "good enough" for her. We talked about how things were when we first started talking and that not only was she a beautiful woman on the outside she was on the inside as well..etc etc etc. It really got pretty deep for awhile.
She mentioned me seeing her "non boyfriend" bring her daughter to work last week and she went to explaining that he had brought her to work for her, etc, etc that she had no one else to ask...blah blah blah. I told her that was her life and I had no say or control over it.
Today we did talk talk a little, nothing extreme. We talked quite a bit about her daughter, the presents I got her for Christmas and raising children. I did bring "my lil buddy" the 2 year old girl to see her today. We talked and played for a few minutes. The lil girl was tired and as we went to leave she threw her arms around me and layed her head on my shoulder. I can tell she is amazed at how the lil one takes to me. Alot of Mexican guys aren't that involved with little ones. She wished me a great weekend and a Happy Birthday (it's Sunday BTW) several times. Said she was bringing me some cheese cake on Tuesday (I took off tomorrow and Monday!!) She said she knew I couldn't take a whole cake home because my wife would see. Yesterday she asked if my wife had been to where I work checking up on me. I told her not that I know of. It 's probably more mind shit, but I will never quit wondering what would have happened if I had of left my wife last year. I am still going to be guarded and not let myself get back into the trap I was in before.
Things with the wife aren't any better...atleast not much. She has been a little more "outgoing" by fixing a meal I really like tonight and offering to feed my dogs last night when I had to work late. She also suggested having sex last night but I turned it down (it's been about 3 or 4 weeks now). I told her I just had no desire anymore after dealing with all the BS. I am to the point with her that I am not giving anymore. Sex was always her main weapon and I have taken that out of the equation. I honestly don't miss it that much after 19 years theres not a whole lot that's exciting. Her being tired, bitchy and gaining weight hasn't done anything to help either. She asked what I wanted for my B-day and I said nothing I told her on the phone if she wanted to do something I would like for her to make breakfast Sunday morning. She was hesitant and somewhat sarcastic with her "I guess so". When I got home I told her not to worry about it that I wouldn't enjoy it anyway after the way she acted when I asked.
Maybe it seems like I am being a bastard, but I have dealt with so much shit for such a long time I have decided to make things play my way for awhile!!! If you read all this thanks; please comment. I feel relieved to have a spot to blow off shit and it's nice to hear opinions!!
She mentioned me seeing her "non boyfriend" bring her daughter to work last week and she went to explaining that he had brought her to work for her, etc, etc that she had no one else to ask...blah blah blah. I told her that was her life and I had no say or control over it.
Today we did talk talk a little, nothing extreme. We talked quite a bit about her daughter, the presents I got her for Christmas and raising children. I did bring "my lil buddy" the 2 year old girl to see her today. We talked and played for a few minutes. The lil girl was tired and as we went to leave she threw her arms around me and layed her head on my shoulder. I can tell she is amazed at how the lil one takes to me. Alot of Mexican guys aren't that involved with little ones. She wished me a great weekend and a Happy Birthday (it's Sunday BTW) several times. Said she was bringing me some cheese cake on Tuesday (I took off tomorrow and Monday!!) She said she knew I couldn't take a whole cake home because my wife would see. Yesterday she asked if my wife had been to where I work checking up on me. I told her not that I know of. It 's probably more mind shit, but I will never quit wondering what would have happened if I had of left my wife last year. I am still going to be guarded and not let myself get back into the trap I was in before.
Things with the wife aren't any better...atleast not much. She has been a little more "outgoing" by fixing a meal I really like tonight and offering to feed my dogs last night when I had to work late. She also suggested having sex last night but I turned it down (it's been about 3 or 4 weeks now). I told her I just had no desire anymore after dealing with all the BS. I am to the point with her that I am not giving anymore. Sex was always her main weapon and I have taken that out of the equation. I honestly don't miss it that much after 19 years theres not a whole lot that's exciting. Her being tired, bitchy and gaining weight hasn't done anything to help either. She asked what I wanted for my B-day and I said nothing I told her on the phone if she wanted to do something I would like for her to make breakfast Sunday morning. She was hesitant and somewhat sarcastic with her "I guess so". When I got home I told her not to worry about it that I wouldn't enjoy it anyway after the way she acted when I asked.
Maybe it seems like I am being a bastard, but I have dealt with so much shit for such a long time I have decided to make things play my way for awhile!!! If you read all this thanks; please comment. I feel relieved to have a spot to blow off shit and it's nice to hear opinions!!
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Happy New Year Everyone!
Well another year has passed and this one seems to have passed by rather quickly. I made up my mind last weekend to wise up, move on and quit letting my mind fuck with me about the beautiful young woman I have been talking to. I have done really well this week not talking to her other than the necessities of work. I plan to continue into the new year and move on with my life. Things with my wife continue to deteriorate and I don't expect it to last much longer. We hardly talk and we each do our on thing when we have free time.
I hope EVERYONE has a great New Year and that all your dreams and wishes can come true............
I hope EVERYONE has a great New Year and that all your dreams and wishes can come true............
Thursday, December 17, 2009
It's Me Again.....
I had logged on earlier to write a little, all kinds of sad ass thoughts running through my mind and I guess feeling sorry for myself. Tried talking with the wife a little bit as she was heading to bed. She bitched about me waiting until "to late to talk". I told her no problem I can walk out and not say another word without having a second thought (which is what I did). I read comments to my post yesterday and felt somewhat better! Scanned through several blogs and read some interesting stories! Took a vacation day so I am off tomorrow!!! Planned to go to the woods, but it is supposed to rain most of the day.
I had a pretty good day with my little sweetie at work. Stopped on the way to work at Starbucks and bought her a latte this morning. A bit later me and "my little buddy" (the owners 2 year old granddaughter) went for a walk (she wants me to carry her) and stopped by and visited my sweetie. We had to show off the new words I have been teaching her and then we drew a few pictures. I think she really enjoys seeing me playing with the little one and is impressed with how she clings to me. I had went shopping and bought my sweetie's daughter (she's 10) a few things for Christmas and I wrapped them. Made plans to meet up after work and drop off the presents off so she could take them home, didn't want to take a chance on bringing them in the building for nosey people to see. Later in the day I asked if she had taken her daughter shopping to get her something and she said that she had made her something at School. Last year I sent some money home with her in a sealed envelope and told her to take her daughter shopping and let her buy her something. I did the same thing today and she told me I didn't have to do that, but I rebutted and said it wasn't right for her to have to give her money to buy her own gift. She was very appreciative and kept telling me how thoughtful I was. We met up and talked briefly, I dropped the presents off and we wished each other a good weekend.
I am sitting her now waiting for Monday to arrive so I can see her smiling face again.
I hope everyone's weekend is great I am going to try and hit the woods when the rain ends and may go visit my parents. BTW I hope you all make it on Santa's nice list!
I had a pretty good day with my little sweetie at work. Stopped on the way to work at Starbucks and bought her a latte this morning. A bit later me and "my little buddy" (the owners 2 year old granddaughter) went for a walk (she wants me to carry her) and stopped by and visited my sweetie. We had to show off the new words I have been teaching her and then we drew a few pictures. I think she really enjoys seeing me playing with the little one and is impressed with how she clings to me. I had went shopping and bought my sweetie's daughter (she's 10) a few things for Christmas and I wrapped them. Made plans to meet up after work and drop off the presents off so she could take them home, didn't want to take a chance on bringing them in the building for nosey people to see. Later in the day I asked if she had taken her daughter shopping to get her something and she said that she had made her something at School. Last year I sent some money home with her in a sealed envelope and told her to take her daughter shopping and let her buy her something. I did the same thing today and she told me I didn't have to do that, but I rebutted and said it wasn't right for her to have to give her money to buy her own gift. She was very appreciative and kept telling me how thoughtful I was. We met up and talked briefly, I dropped the presents off and we wished each other a good weekend.
I am sitting her now waiting for Monday to arrive so I can see her smiling face again.
I hope everyone's weekend is great I am going to try and hit the woods when the rain ends and may go visit my parents. BTW I hope you all make it on Santa's nice list!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Nothing new.
I am still around and reading alot of your blogs. I haven't posted much here or in comments lately. I just haven't felt like it. Christmas is almost here and I have no desire to participate. I used to get excited when the kids were young and Santa was real. I also used to try to find something really special, thoughtful and nice for my wife, but have no desire to. I have only shopped for one person and that is the daughter of the woman I have been talking with.
I know deep down inside that I am probably suffering from depression, but hate the thought of "changing me" to feel like society says I should. I have no problem functioning at work or play and have a fun upbeat attitude with almost everyone (except at home). I no longer have the strong sex drive I used to have, I just don't "feel it" at home. I guess after so much animosity , arguing and rejection you just get to a point of not caring anymore. Along with that I no longer find my wife attractive. The 5'3 105 lb woman I married is no more.
I will try to write more soon. It's late and time for work will be here before I know it.
I know deep down inside that I am probably suffering from depression, but hate the thought of "changing me" to feel like society says I should. I have no problem functioning at work or play and have a fun upbeat attitude with almost everyone (except at home). I no longer have the strong sex drive I used to have, I just don't "feel it" at home. I guess after so much animosity , arguing and rejection you just get to a point of not caring anymore. Along with that I no longer find my wife attractive. The 5'3 105 lb woman I married is no more.
I will try to write more soon. It's late and time for work will be here before I know it.
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