As a continuation of my post last night. I guess I am writing because I am sick of life and nearly all there is to do with it. I do have a wonderful family that loves me unconditionally. Truth be told if it wasn't for them I would not endure the daily hassle of life any longer.
Savannah and I have continued to see each other on and off since August 2013 when we made our big split. We discussed moving back in together a couple of times and made plans to do so around the time of my surgery. She stayed over nearly every day for 3 weeks and a few days before my surgery we made love for the first time in awhile due to me having worn a catheter for a couple months. Before we could even go to sleep she was asking if "I was talking to or seeing anyone" this woman will never change. I mean seriously... I was "out of commission" for a couple months and she was here every night for 3 weeks and to then pop off and ask that.... Will she ever change?
Anyway about to weeks ago and after countless arguments of her lack of trust (that's my opinion) we decided to not see each other anymore. We have texted and talked a few times but nothing serious. In the last couple of weeks I have been talking to someone I played words with Friends with. Here we go........... She is Married, trying to get separated, etc etc etc. We've talked on the phone 2 or 3 times, and she had me install Tango on my phone and we text regularly. Until tonight that is.......... She informed me she couldn't use tango anymore because it linked to her contact list on her phone. I only got brief responses through FB messaging so I am assuming she was caught. I guess it's my big heartedness but I feel so bad for the situation she is in.
(((TO: The person reading this who knows who I am: I'm sure you've seen my FB activity so please do not say anything to this person about me or my blog. I honestly don't think you would but I am mentioning it just in case))).
The depressing part of this "getting to know someone else" is that I am really not my normal self with the pain and walking issues. I am like a young pup chasing a rabbit as I wouldn't know what to do if I caught it. This woman is apparently well off from pics I've seen, or at least her hubby is. Very active and much better looking than I feel I would do well with. So I've lived a small fantasy in my mind but don't expect to be able to fulfill it in anyway.
So now I am sitting all alone, watching movies and writing this blog. I Contemplate what and why things happen to people. I have lost all I considered to be important in the past and doubt very seriously I will ever have it again. For the moment I will continue on, praying things get better, trying to be positive and trying not to dwell on the past..........
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Friday, May 8, 2015
Why Me....
Well it's been awhile since I've sat down and written any thing of significance. Along the time I wrote my last post in Feb 2011 I had just messaged someone on OKCupid and we started talking. She was in Savannah Ga, 155 miles away. Yeah I was at that point....
I had dated some local women and either they were "leaving" their husbands (not left yet) or weren't ready for a relationship, had unruly kids or wanted to get married right away I was pretty fed up with the dating scene. The gal who wasn't ready for a relationship and had had wonderful times together, made enjoyable love and enjoyed each others company. I on the other hand wasn't into the forever dating scene. The one thing I found out after leaving my marriage is that there was no shortage of women to date and women who were interested in me. I had some Great Times! After the Gal said she wasn't ready for a relationship I went back on OkCupid and started looking. I was frustrated and somewhat desperate for normalcy. By chance I saw a post from this woman n the main news feed who looked nice but she lived in Savannah. We started talking and seemed to hit it off well. She was still at home with her hubby (but leaving).... Yep here we go again. We continued to talk and I continued to look. Our connection grew and in April she had a place to go and made the commitment to leave. Her moving weekend passed and she was stuck but did manage to move the next weekend. We had planned to meet that weekend seeing how she was moving out the weekend before so we kept our plans. I had bought a picnic basket and filled it with all kind of little things that she may need being out on her own. I got her a cheap cell phone as she didn't have one and just a bunch of corny stuff. I had been to the beach the weekend before and took sunrise pics for her, wrote things in the sand and took pics and just all kind of corny stuff. I was totally prepared to leave it with her and drive back to Florida if we didn't hit it off. A bit of irony is that during this week the not ready for a relationship gal had been trying to call me. I blew her off and eventually let her know I was seeing someone else after the events in the next paragraph.
Well we met and instantly there was a connection! We ate lunch and went to a state park where I gave her the basket.. She was blown away. Before we were back to town we had decided to spend the night together. I planned to spend the night and see her again the next day. We stopped and got her some night clothes as she nor I had planned on staying together. Long story short our first date was 40 hours long and we were naked for at least 30 of those hours. She started driving to Florida on weekends and 2 months later Moved to Florida to be with me. Things were great. We had a Red hot sexual relationship and done a lot of things together....
It didn't take long though and the jealousy/ acquisitions started. Questions of people I worked with, friends, why did I stop at a store, why did I go mow some old ladys yard who was paying me to mow, etc etc etc. It was nearly non stop. This continued for nearly two years before the straw that broke the camels back was applied. The plant manager wanted a couple of us to have a lunch meeting and there was 1 Married woman going. I texted th girlfriend and let her know what was going on and OMG the battle began. I wound up missing lunch over it, By the end of the week it escalated to a point I was done. I was purchasing a house for US to live-in that was 30 miles closer to where we both work but decided I was done. I bought the house and fronted her $ for a nice place that she found through a work friend. So I helped her move to her place and I moved to mine.
After a few days I was talking with Ms. Not Ready again. I had not lost contact with her and would send her a happy birthday text or something just as friends. Well we went out a couple times, laughs galore. She knew about Savannah. Things went ok and we wound up having a few words over her cat having to be put down. I made a bad joke about not needing vets for that where I grew up and she did it appreciate it at all. I apologized several times and we talked but things never went any further. We decided it was better it happened sooner rather than later. I haven't spoken to or texted her in two years now.
During the last 4 years I have had a lot of changes in my life. I started having pain in one foot then the other, feet swelling, back pain, bladder issues, it seemed I was falling apart even though I was in the best shape I had been in in probably my life. Things continued to worsen and about a year ago I started having a lot of tests ran. I wound up wearing a full time catheter for 3 months because my bladder was holding fluid and causing current and potential kidney problems. After the gamete of tests an MRI showed that I had what they thought was a tumor inside of my spinal column. I had surgery sept 23 2014. They removed bone from my spine, Went inside of the Dura that surrounds your spinal cord and found a Dermoid Cyst. They split the cyst open and sowed me back up. I thought it would have been taken out and didn't find out that it wasn't until I went for my follow up surgeon visit. I went through a lot of pain and walking first with a walker then a cane and these Assholes didn't remove but are letting something drain and my body absorb the fluid!!. To this day I have constant pain in my feet, I stumble sometimes, I walk like a robot at times, I have lost feeling in my feet to an extent and this causes the constant pain. I still work and get around but always in pain. Bladder issues are much better, but not totally fixed. Atleast I no longer have to wear a catheter.
I will continue this more with the Savannah Story, How I feel about life in general and things I have considered............
I had dated some local women and either they were "leaving" their husbands (not left yet) or weren't ready for a relationship, had unruly kids or wanted to get married right away I was pretty fed up with the dating scene. The gal who wasn't ready for a relationship and had had wonderful times together, made enjoyable love and enjoyed each others company. I on the other hand wasn't into the forever dating scene. The one thing I found out after leaving my marriage is that there was no shortage of women to date and women who were interested in me. I had some Great Times! After the Gal said she wasn't ready for a relationship I went back on OkCupid and started looking. I was frustrated and somewhat desperate for normalcy. By chance I saw a post from this woman n the main news feed who looked nice but she lived in Savannah. We started talking and seemed to hit it off well. She was still at home with her hubby (but leaving).... Yep here we go again. We continued to talk and I continued to look. Our connection grew and in April she had a place to go and made the commitment to leave. Her moving weekend passed and she was stuck but did manage to move the next weekend. We had planned to meet that weekend seeing how she was moving out the weekend before so we kept our plans. I had bought a picnic basket and filled it with all kind of little things that she may need being out on her own. I got her a cheap cell phone as she didn't have one and just a bunch of corny stuff. I had been to the beach the weekend before and took sunrise pics for her, wrote things in the sand and took pics and just all kind of corny stuff. I was totally prepared to leave it with her and drive back to Florida if we didn't hit it off. A bit of irony is that during this week the not ready for a relationship gal had been trying to call me. I blew her off and eventually let her know I was seeing someone else after the events in the next paragraph.
Well we met and instantly there was a connection! We ate lunch and went to a state park where I gave her the basket.. She was blown away. Before we were back to town we had decided to spend the night together. I planned to spend the night and see her again the next day. We stopped and got her some night clothes as she nor I had planned on staying together. Long story short our first date was 40 hours long and we were naked for at least 30 of those hours. She started driving to Florida on weekends and 2 months later Moved to Florida to be with me. Things were great. We had a Red hot sexual relationship and done a lot of things together....
It didn't take long though and the jealousy/ acquisitions started. Questions of people I worked with, friends, why did I stop at a store, why did I go mow some old ladys yard who was paying me to mow, etc etc etc. It was nearly non stop. This continued for nearly two years before the straw that broke the camels back was applied. The plant manager wanted a couple of us to have a lunch meeting and there was 1 Married woman going. I texted th girlfriend and let her know what was going on and OMG the battle began. I wound up missing lunch over it, By the end of the week it escalated to a point I was done. I was purchasing a house for US to live-in that was 30 miles closer to where we both work but decided I was done. I bought the house and fronted her $ for a nice place that she found through a work friend. So I helped her move to her place and I moved to mine.
After a few days I was talking with Ms. Not Ready again. I had not lost contact with her and would send her a happy birthday text or something just as friends. Well we went out a couple times, laughs galore. She knew about Savannah. Things went ok and we wound up having a few words over her cat having to be put down. I made a bad joke about not needing vets for that where I grew up and she did it appreciate it at all. I apologized several times and we talked but things never went any further. We decided it was better it happened sooner rather than later. I haven't spoken to or texted her in two years now.
During the last 4 years I have had a lot of changes in my life. I started having pain in one foot then the other, feet swelling, back pain, bladder issues, it seemed I was falling apart even though I was in the best shape I had been in in probably my life. Things continued to worsen and about a year ago I started having a lot of tests ran. I wound up wearing a full time catheter for 3 months because my bladder was holding fluid and causing current and potential kidney problems. After the gamete of tests an MRI showed that I had what they thought was a tumor inside of my spinal column. I had surgery sept 23 2014. They removed bone from my spine, Went inside of the Dura that surrounds your spinal cord and found a Dermoid Cyst. They split the cyst open and sowed me back up. I thought it would have been taken out and didn't find out that it wasn't until I went for my follow up surgeon visit. I went through a lot of pain and walking first with a walker then a cane and these Assholes didn't remove but are letting something drain and my body absorb the fluid!!. To this day I have constant pain in my feet, I stumble sometimes, I walk like a robot at times, I have lost feeling in my feet to an extent and this causes the constant pain. I still work and get around but always in pain. Bladder issues are much better, but not totally fixed. Atleast I no longer have to wear a catheter.
I will continue this more with the Savannah Story, How I feel about life in general and things I have considered............
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Soo Tiring...
The last year has been a wearisome one. It has had it's ups and downs, Good times and bad. Now I am almost at a stand still. I have been looking for a companion to walk with me through this crazy thing called life. Someone who is compatible with me and who is AVAILABLE emotionally. There are alot of people who for whatever reason aren't available to commit to someone or to even open up to them completely.
I am just really at a point that I do not know what I am willing to settle for or what I want to do next. I know in my heart what I have to offer, finding the person that is "my match" to share it with is frustrating. I get offers to date, go out quite often, but they are not the ones I want to spend my time with or offer myself to. Why is it that is how we always react? Do we expect perfection when we do not have it to offer? If only we could open our eyes and see from the inside out to start with, maybe just maybe we could find the happiness we so desire.
So for now. I am tired, beat down, dejected & at a stand still. I am losing my desire to "play the game" or "continue the hunt". Writing here used to be a release so I think I will be back very soon.
Mike
I am just really at a point that I do not know what I am willing to settle for or what I want to do next. I know in my heart what I have to offer, finding the person that is "my match" to share it with is frustrating. I get offers to date, go out quite often, but they are not the ones I want to spend my time with or offer myself to. Why is it that is how we always react? Do we expect perfection when we do not have it to offer? If only we could open our eyes and see from the inside out to start with, maybe just maybe we could find the happiness we so desire.
So for now. I am tired, beat down, dejected & at a stand still. I am losing my desire to "play the game" or "continue the hunt". Writing here used to be a release so I think I will be back very soon.
Mike
Friday, August 13, 2010
Still Here
Well I am still seeing my new friend. This saturday is 2 months. We still get along great, laugh and joke alot and constantly talk on the phone when were not working. It to me is a little annoying, but it is nice to have someone to talk with.
I am still having issues with letting go of J. the woman I have talked to for 2 1/2 years now. She still likes to play her games and I fall into them each and every time. Regardless of how well things are going with my new friend, I still want to be with the other one. Very Badly. I know I am "better of" with the girl I am seeing, she treats me great, but Everyone knows the feeling of "wanting what you can't have" & I have it badly. Tuesday she texted me 27 times, back and forth asking questions, talking about going out etc, & then Wed/Thursday almost nothing, just a few hey how you doing?, whats going on at work? crap type texts.
The one thing J. is great about doing is making me feel like shit about myself. She knows & I know that no one is going to treat her as good as I would. She tells me she cares about me, but never will commit to going out. There is always an excuse. It doesn't help that we work in the same place, that throws a wrench into it to. I have to see her everyday. Otherwise common sense would let me move on.
I am heading over to see my new Friend today and I am sure we will have fun. The thing that messes with my mind is that I will never look at her the same way I look at the woman I can't have.
Why can't we appreciate what is right in front of us? Why do we torture ourselves? There are alot of sayings about Love hurting, etc. I can honestly say I have experienced this......
I am still having issues with letting go of J. the woman I have talked to for 2 1/2 years now. She still likes to play her games and I fall into them each and every time. Regardless of how well things are going with my new friend, I still want to be with the other one. Very Badly. I know I am "better of" with the girl I am seeing, she treats me great, but Everyone knows the feeling of "wanting what you can't have" & I have it badly. Tuesday she texted me 27 times, back and forth asking questions, talking about going out etc, & then Wed/Thursday almost nothing, just a few hey how you doing?, whats going on at work? crap type texts.
The one thing J. is great about doing is making me feel like shit about myself. She knows & I know that no one is going to treat her as good as I would. She tells me she cares about me, but never will commit to going out. There is always an excuse. It doesn't help that we work in the same place, that throws a wrench into it to. I have to see her everyday. Otherwise common sense would let me move on.
I am heading over to see my new Friend today and I am sure we will have fun. The thing that messes with my mind is that I will never look at her the same way I look at the woman I can't have.
Why can't we appreciate what is right in front of us? Why do we torture ourselves? There are alot of sayings about Love hurting, etc. I can honestly say I have experienced this......
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Almost a month......
Well Saturday will be a month since I met the new gal I am seeing. We talked for about a week before that and haven't really been counting that week...lol. I have been with alot of women in my younger years and never ever have I had one treat me as good as this one does. She is so sweet to me. Lord knows I feel as if I have uncaged a Tiger when were together. She is so sensual and sexy when were with each other and she can't keep her hands off of me. She always tells me how much she misses me and how great she thinks I look and that I am the best guy she has ever been with in bed.
We have a big weekend planned as this will be our first weekend "truly alone". Her 15 year old son will be on a camping trip with the boy scouts. I have been spending Wednesday nights and Fri, Sat Sun with her for the last few weekends. She was married for 15 years before I met her and me for 19 so we have both came out of long relationships. She is 34 so basically in alot of ways so sexually she is still like the teenager she was when she got married. I'm glad she had a guy who didn't care about pleasing his woman. I know right now that she is experiencing things she never has before & not just sexually. I treat her very well and always tell her sweet little things.
Well I will write more later. Kind of funny these days that I have big smiles and laugh alot!!! Mike
We have a big weekend planned as this will be our first weekend "truly alone". Her 15 year old son will be on a camping trip with the boy scouts. I have been spending Wednesday nights and Fri, Sat Sun with her for the last few weekends. She was married for 15 years before I met her and me for 19 so we have both came out of long relationships. She is 34 so basically in alot of ways so sexually she is still like the teenager she was when she got married. I'm glad she had a guy who didn't care about pleasing his woman. I know right now that she is experiencing things she never has before & not just sexually. I treat her very well and always tell her sweet little things.
Well I will write more later. Kind of funny these days that I have big smiles and laugh alot!!! Mike
Friday, July 2, 2010
Moving right along......
Well things with my new gal are going Great. I spent the whole weekend there last weekend and went over Wednesday night and spent the night there again. We had a couple of "petting" sessions last weekend (Aunt flo was visiting). I wound up getting her off just by rubbing on her with only her top off. I told her I would love to make love to her right then and get her off again. She said she had never got off twice in a night. Challenge time...lol & yes a few minutes later she could no longer say that again......smile!
I am heading over again this afternoon. Bags are packed to spend the weekend! We should have a great weekend and finally have sex. I know it is going to be HOT!!!!
More updates to come!!
I am heading over again this afternoon. Bags are packed to spend the weekend! We should have a great weekend and finally have sex. I know it is going to be HOT!!!!
More updates to come!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
